Learn how to deal with your emotions

I was recently invited to Will’s third grade class to teach a 15-minute segment on meditation. I felt intimidated because I had not taught meditation to nine and ten year-olds except my own children, but inspiration settled in and I was reminded of a story I heard on NPR a few years back. In the Oak Cliff neighborhood of Dallas, three year-olds were being taught about their brain, the amygdala, the hippocampus and their emotions at their pre-school. I turned up the volume and listened intently. Not only was I thinking about my boys and their big emotions, but mine as well.

I dislike the generalizing of any group, but there is something to be said about cultural inclinations. Those of us that grow up in Latin American cultures, are taught at an early age how to deal with emotions by example. Those examples can be quite dramatic. It’s all about expressing, not repressing (at least that’s the case in my Puerto Rican family. You can check out LeJuan James on Instagram here to see some examples. I must say there other cultures that go in the complete opposite direction and repress everything until nothing else can be swallowed and a volcanic eruption ensues). I remember my parents, my uncles and aunts, my friends... all their emotions were big and loud. My emotions, therefore, were big and loud. I’ve heard some say it’s funny, even charming, “they’re Latin; they’re hot blooded”, but if one’s not careful, it can be exhausting and potentially hazardous.

I tried that approach with Will and quickly found myself in a battle with a “disobedient” two year-old. There was no moving him or making him understand when I yelled at him. It was obvious we were going to have to find a different approach. Martin had already been telling me since we began dating that yelling didn’t work. He taught me that yelling at him never really accomplished anything except make the whole situation even more uncomfortable and painful. He told me “Every time you yell, I get to keep it. How do you think it feels? Now I have to deal with my emotions, AND yours.”

It made me stop and listen. I decided to release that pattern then and there.

I was not surrendering who I was, I just became more conscious of my emotions and how my internal landscape was affecting those around me.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”(Luke 6:31), I thought.

I made that awareness a moment to moment practice.

Back in my son’s third grade class, I asked the teachers for some glitter and water, and filled up the clear plastic cup I grabbed at my local coffee shop on my way there. Using a spoon, I started stirring the water and glitter together. As the kids engaged with me and what I was doing, I asked them, “Can you give me examples of emotions?”

Little hands raised. “Fear.” “Happy.” “Confused.” “Joyful.” “Nervous.” “Anxious.” “Bored.”

“And what do you do when you feel mad?”

“When my sister doesn’t stop bothering me, I hit her,” said an honest student.

“That’s an option… but is there another one available to you at that moment?”

“When I’m angry, I go to my room and cry. I also call my dog to be with me,” said another.

“I cuddle with my cat when I’m frustrated and it makes me feel better,” another volunteered.

“Those are great options and I’m glad to see so many of you finding ways to deal with your emotions.”

Finally, one observant little boy asked, “What are you doing with that cup in your hands?”

“Excellent question.”

I addressed the whole class: “Would you say this glitter swirling around in the water is a good representation of your thoughts swirling in your brain when you’re scared?”

“Yes.”

“How about when you’re happy?”

“Yes.”

“Excited? Anxious?”

“Yes.”

“What happens when I stop stirring the water with my spoon?”

“The glitter falls down.”

“And the water becomes clear… This is what happens when you learn how to meditate on a regular basis. You let your brain have some space and peace from your emotions when you stop stirring and let the glitter settle. When your thoughts settle you can gain clarity on why you were feeling the emotions you were feeling. I’m here to give you some tools to help you in those moments of high emotion.”

In my yoga teacher training, I learned about pranayama, breathwork, one of the best tools to bring awareness to the present moment. I taught the class one of my favorites, Nodi Shodhana, which is believed to balance both hemispheres of the brain, clear the mind and the energetic channels of the body. They had fun trying to figure out the alternate nostril breathing, and to me it was a gift to see them calm down before my very eyes. I also worked with them on visualization. I had them imagine a balloon right in front of them while they had their eyes closed. It could be any color they wanted. As they inhaled, the balloon expanded, as they exhaled, it contracted. Many hands went up to tell me how they really enjoyed that one. We ended with three OM’s. It was a surreal experience to feel the whole room at peace. The teachers even asked me to come back during the standardized testing period in the spring.

This is why people usually enjoy the physical practice first; the body assimilates the abstract idea of present moment awareness. And it is through consistent practice that the body is able to “get it”. The proverbial fuse grows longer, and there is more space before a reaction. The peace that is created by the practitioner allows the person to catch oneself, and choose again what is truly wanted out of that situation.

It is a moment to moment practice.

Everyone in our family is going to have their emotions. Once we understand we cannot change anybody’s emotions for them, we let them have freedom to be with their emotions and explore the reason behind the emotions, discussing them in detail once the storm blows over. If every member of the family practices this, all of the relationships in the family can deepen tremendously. Trust develops among all those living under the same roof, and everyone can feel they are in a safe space to do the necessary exploration work and surpass those things that had a strong hold over them.

I remember hearing once that your emotions are Heaven speaking through you. I love that. Because if that’s the case, they come from the Highest Truth. Your emotions just are, but when you find out WHY, then you can work through the pain and suffering. Let them talk to you, through you and let others be there for you as you are there for them. Listen to you and your Highest Truth and listen to them and their Highest Truth. Understanding and Peace are absolutely possible in the home, and in turn, in the rest of the world. But it starts with YOU.

To put this into practice:

Try doing 10 cycles of Nodi Shodhana before settling down to meditate for 5 minutes. In fact, do the 10 cycles ANY time the idea pops into your head.

Stop, drop, and breathe.

Stop, drop, and meditate.